haiz....y ??? WHY??? why didtn i receive his letter?? is he getting sick of me??? joey sis said that she told him that i was busy with my project thats y i didn't see him on sunday..i was wondering was he the one who asked? or sis was the one who told him ( he wasn't seems to care or bother to ask).......sometimes...i really really wonder wat's going to happen to me next? n wat will the world beccome ten years down the road.?? everything that is bad n 'suay' seem to have the fate with me... am i such a fucking 'suay bong'? why must i experience such thing where i am born to be such a emotional gal.... i really HATE it!!! those emotional 'things' had tortured me enough!! ENOUGH! just like yesterday...i had tried so hard not to think about the past..yet ....yesterday show...the show had brought me back to the past...that unforgetable nightmare... when i watch it i cried along with it..i had totally describe my feeling...n thats wat i feel...for the past 2 years..it had haunt me every now n then...in other ppl's eyes i may be such a WEAKLING...COWARD.. i don't care cos such ppl have no rights to comment about me! n they won't understand the feeling or things i had experience...

yes..i such a 'suay bong' who born in such broken family...a BROKEN family that brings me sadness... always had problems...mum's that side...wat makes her sad will gradually affect me...the moment i see her, i will feel that kind of sadness she had..n that kind of pain she's suffering....that kind of exasperation she had.....argh!!! n whenever i was chatting wif her on the phone i could sense that kind of loneliness she felt..i guess she knows that i was crying..even though i tried so hard to disguise it... n on dad's side...haiz...linking wif mum...i feel so bad when i was wif mum....he was being betrayed by me...n at times i need his help but it is just that i have no courage to approach him.....BUT... BUT...besides living in such a broken family...i am glad that i found one word 'happiness' in here...i glad that i have many supporters in this family.... besides friends, mum is my great listener, she is the one who told and taught me alot lots of things and dad who is sooo 'open' than all my uncle.., he is someone who don't discourage me..n always look after all of us( sis, me, ying n ivan) secretly....n still want to pretend..hehe....great daddy!!! next...sis...this stupid n funny sis...the dead drunkard..who i asked her where she put the cigarette..n keeping telling me..what 'Fat Ass' n 'January..' guess she is very drunk after tonight's dinner...haha...me still ok..here...just abit 'high' ..haha...still able to blog...she ar..can be gd at times..can be devil when she blows her top..hehe...meimei n didi, this little two naughty ar...can make ppl angry like 'siao' n can make ppl laugh like mad...haiyo....so to comfort myself.. ialways tell myself...."i am okay...i have found all these happpiness in my life... family..." but human nature...ppl will never get satisfy one...will keep grumble...nagging...just like me...there are tons n tons of "how i wish"..."what if"..."maybe"... in my mind...i noticed that the young ones are getting married earlier n earlier while the old ones can say thing like DIVORCE!! Oh Yo!!! don't they know such words really hurts...i can't make any change to these...but what i know is..it adds on more phobia n negative views towards marriage,...no longer any FOREVER..nor EVERLASTING...!! all are BULLSHITS!!!!! im really tired tired..just like what chris said perhaps we r just tooo tired taht leads us to think of those unhappy things...n memories....haiz...

tired!!!!~

u.hurt.me.....